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Excerpts from...
MY DEEPEST FEAR
My deepest fear is not that I am inadequate. My deepest fear is that I am powerful beyond measure. It is my light
not my darkness that most frightens me. I ask myself, who am I to be brilliant, fabulous and talented?
Actually, who am I not to be, for I am a child of God and as I let my own light shine, I unconsciously give those
around me permission to do the same. As I am liberated from my own fear, my presence automatically liberates others.
--Marianne Williamson
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Funeral Etiquette
When an acquaintance, friend or loved one dies,
a special set of rules apply.
A funeral is an opportunity to commemorate and pay tribute to the life of the deceased. It is also a
time to show emotional support to the bereaved.
Planning the final disposition is a necessary part of grieving process and requires more than just good manners.
It requires special tact and sensitivity.
General Guidelines
When to call:
Place a call as soon as you hear the sad news. Right away is a good time to offer your condolences.
Just a brief call is sufficient just to let them know that they are in your thoughts.
Visiting the bereaved and length of visit:
Unless you are a very close personal or family friend, you should visit the bereaved at the church or funeral home.
This setting is usually recommended as they are prepared for visitors at that time. Introduce yourself if you have
never met the family. Let them know how you are affiliated to the deceased. Be a good listener.
The family members may want to take this time to talk about and remember the deceased. It is also proper to bring
food or beverage when visiting the family home.
Funeral attire:
Times have changed regarding funeral attire. While black is no longer the norm, dark or muted colors
are still prefered. Grandchildren under the age of thirteen are still expected to wear white.
Flowers, cards, memorials:
Flowers can be sent to either the church, funeral home or directly to the family home. Cards with
cash donations should be sent to the family home. Charitable donations in the deceased's name should include the
name and address of the family so that acknowledgments may be sent. Allow up to thirty days for thank you calls or notes.
The wake or viewing:
Upon entering the funeral home or church for the wake or viewing, it is proper to immediately pay your respects to the family of the deceased.
You may attend the wake or viewing on your own. Contact the funeral home or church for viewing hours.
Funeral home and church etiquette:
Those closest to the deceased may be asked to be a pallbearer and carry the casket during the funeral. This is a great honor and should be carried out
with the utmost respect. The funeral home or church is definately a no phones, no gum environment. Unecessary noise should be avoided
as well as unecessary conversation. The first few rows are reserved for family and close friends.
Post funeral receptions:
Receptions are usually held in the home of a family member. When attending the reception,
it is usually best to leave young children with a babysitter. This is generally a good time to share pleasant
memories and tastefull stories about the deceased. Avoid embarassing stories or negative anecdotes.
Moving forward
In the days and weeks following the funeral be available to the family; they may want to talk or may need your help.
Try to write or call often. Feel free to include them in your social plans as well.
Tips and Advice
Simple expressions of sympathy are best. "I'm so sorry to hear about your loss" and "He/She will be missed" are common and
acceptable expressions.
Wait at least 2 weeks before asking for items of the deceased's which have special meaning to you.
Be prepared for questions like, "What happened?". Especially in the case of unexpected deaths.
Specifying the cause of death in the obituary is a good idea and will help eliminate questions.
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